E25 Who Are You, Really? 5 Keys to Understanding the Fullness of Your Identity and Purpose

SHOW TRANSCRIPT:

Jen Cudmore (00:00)
Today I’m sharing five keys to help you understand the fullness of your identity and purpose. If I were to ask what’s your calling or what’s the job that God gave you when he put you on this earth, most people are gonna respond with a specific role. They’re gonna say, I’m a mom, I’m a boss, I’m a wife, something like that. But that’s actually not a full picture of who you truly are. You cannot thrive if you wander aimlessly. You’ve gotta have direction, you’ve gotta have foundation. So stick around as we discuss the five keys to the fullness of your identity and purpose.

Welcome, thanks everybody for joining again for another episode of Into the Depths podcast. I’m Jennifer, the host. Be sure to grab those resources that I created. I’ve mentioned those a couple of times. I’ve got the 10 reflection questions for journal prompts regarding renewing the mind. And then I also created that.

12 page worksheet on the three L’s, lies, limitations and labels to help you identify those, uncover them and begin to get those out of your life so that you can be free of a lot of that self-sabotage. those are free resources. You just have to click the link and it’s in the show notes. So be sure to go check those out. That’s going to be really helpful. I will never forget the moment that we dropped our son off to leave for boot camp.

It was an extremely emotional moment for me as a mom, you know, because I was letting my baby go out into the world all by himself in a totally another state so far away. ⁓ But it was more than that because it was a moment of ⁓ transition. was like it was a defining moment in his life and our lives that would forever make the family look different. And the most profound

thing that happened was we’re sitting in the truck and we’re pulling into the parking lot of the hotel where we were going to drop him with the recruiter and a couple other young men. husband giving our son just a little bit of advice, but the thing that he said that stood out to me the most was when he said, remember who you are.

And I don’t recall the whole speech, but that struck me so much because I was like, that is the perfect way to sum up the last 18 years of your life. Remember who you are as you go forward in this new adventure, as you’re becoming ⁓ more of who God created you to be. Remember who you are, who God made you to be, and all the things that we’ve taught you as parents. And I thought later, man, that is such a great advice.

for us individually to keep for our own selves, to keep remembering who we are, to keep showing up as our best self, to keep owning who it is that God made us to be. But I think the trick is a lot of people flounder because ⁓ they don’t actually know who they’re supposed to be. They don’t actually fully understand their identity and purpose. And so that’s what I want to dive into today. A lot of people are just letting life happen to them. They’re not being intentional.

or they don’t even know why being intentional even matters. Like what’s the point? And so they think that God is just gonna lay out their life for them and they’re gonna sort of fall into what it is that they’re meant to do, what he created them to do. And that’s not actually how it works. So if you don’t own your identity and you’re not sure of who you’re supposed to be or what your purpose is, then you can’t build a life around that. It makes it so difficult to…

fulfill your calling when you don’t have that foundation of who God made you to be. If you don’t understand who you are, then you’re not going to be able to show up as your best self and you’re not going to be able to live your best life. So you have to dig into who did God make me to be. To become the person that God designed you to be, you’ve got to understand where you came from, where you’re going, a few different things. So let me dive into these five keys that I have come up with in

so that you can own who you’re truly made to be. These five keys for fully understanding your identity and your purpose. So key number one is going to be know where you came from. It seems like a no brainer, but I think some people don’t realize that their family heritage and the way they grew up shapes who they’re meant to be. And some of it for good and some of it for bad. And so there are some things that maybe you’re going to have to unlearn or some things you might have to get healed from.

but it’s really important to really have a good understanding of your past and your family history. and I didn’t recognize how important this was until my son was in middle school and they had him do a project probably for his history class, I don’t recall, but all the kids were supposed to do some sort of research into their lineage. And I thought, this is really interesting.

you know, we had made the assumption that the last name Cudmore was English. And what we discovered is that it was actually a Welsh name. And so it was really fun and really drew in the whole family. We became curious to know more about the ancestors and the history of the family. And so one of the things that we learned is that ⁓ the specific sort of goal or purpose for our family.

as a whole, which is not something we had ever really thought of before. It like, we as a family have an assignment from the Lord that we’re supposed to accomplish. Like that kind of blew my mind when all of this research brought that up. And I realized the Lord was saying, pay attention, you need to own this. need to help your kids own this. And so it was really fascinating. What we learned is that the name Cudmore represents strength, courage, military might or strategy. And then just the concept of being a protector and a guardian.

And I remember looking at that and thinking, oh, well, this definitely describes my husband, but then seeing it more and more on my kids, it was just really fascinating to see how God has shaped them, shaped their personalities into falling under that umbrella, I guess you could say. And so specifically, what does it mean to be a Cudmore? And I’m just using this as an example because it’s fresh and I understand it, right? But.

You know, for example, we are dedicated to serving God. God, Yahweh, is the one true God and that’s who we serve. We’re not quitters. We work very hard and we put effort into things and we don’t say the word can’t. We ⁓ utilize the gifts and talents that God has given us to serve in various ways. We ⁓ push each other to follow dreams and passions and ⁓

you know, family comes first and what does that look like?

dad is the head of the home. And for us, that wasn’t so much authoritarianism as much as it was the partnership where ultimately me as a wife submitting to him, if there was ever a need for us when we didn’t agree on something. ⁓ One huge powerful thing that ⁓ I absolutely love about my husband and what he’s taught the kids is that mom has to be treated with utmost respect. And

I love what he used to tell them or he still tells them actually he’s like, I chose her, you guys came later. And so just putting that hierarchy in place, if you will, of you’re gonna respect this woman because her role is important and who she is is important. So I wanted to throw out a few examples of when you say the name Cudmore, these are the kinds of things that I would want you to think.

about us. I would hope that this is what we embody as a family. And so that has helped us by understanding the history of that name. It has helped us to more own who we are and behave in ways that match who God made us to be. So one example that’s really special to me is there was a point when our finances were…

bit tight and so my husband at one point for I don’t know it’s probably like six months maybe it was a year he ended up working three jobs and I was still working as well and so when you say that out loud it feels like my gosh that’s way too much how in the world did this family ⁓ you know stay healthy and it was all by the grace of God because we were in it together it was like we sat the kids down and we said hey

This is what life needs to look like for a little while. We need to help dad because he’s doing this for us and it’s gonna propel us forward financially. So let’s all work together to make this happen. And looking back, I am flat out amazed that it did not tear our family apart because logically when you look at that kind of situation, it should have divided us and caused a lot of problems and it didn’t. We were able to work together. Everybody was super supportive.

of my husband, were able to ⁓ really balance schedules and tasks and responsibilities. And it was pretty amazing how it all came together. ⁓ But it was because we were dedicated to each other as a family unit And of course, our commitment to the Lord, I don’t want to take all the credit for that, because definitely ⁓ his grace was on that situation. But that’s what made that work is that we were owning

Who we said we were and that is family first. We’re gonna support each other no matter what so ⁓ Knowing where you came from understanding who you know your your ancestry and your family history and how that plays into the rule that God is assigned roles multiple roles that God has assigned to you so the second key is going to be identifying what’s important to you and Sometimes we don’t always live

by what’s important to us. Sometimes we make choices based on what’s in front of us in the moment. And so that’s why it’s so important to understand what do we really value and what do we want to live for? What do we want to be known for? And what I’ve come to realize is that this is called core values. What are the specific things that we believe in as a family or I believe in as an individual that is going to guide my decisions and guide how I live my life?

So I remember the first time that I heard even the concept of core values. I was in a prayer meeting and this woman was explaining something about her family and how they decided to go this way instead of that way based on their core values. And I was like, what in the world are core values? And so I ended up doing research and of course, getting into management. I gained a better understanding of why core values are important for an organization, but then also like individually why they’re

important as well. And so ⁓ for the longest time, I actually had some and I had no idea what they were. I just knew like these are kind of like the principles I like to live by. And so really, that’s the core values. What are the what’s the most important thing to you? could like so for an example, I just gave a minute ago, family is like extremely important. We put each other first. That is a core value in our household.

⁓ And so we would spend a lot of time together. would, you know, work things out together. Another example would be integrity. You can Google it. There’s a list of probably, I don’t know, 50 different values that you can choose from. ⁓ And it’s a good idea to have, I don’t know, three to five. I’m not sure what the experts recommend. Maybe I should have double checked, but you want to have a few that you can identify and say, okay, when it comes to decision making and when it comes to how I live my life,

These are the parameters that I want to fit into. And so that helps us ⁓ to live closer to the identity and purpose that God has given us because it helps us, ⁓ it gives us a lane or it gives us direction. knowing what’s important to you. because family is so important to us, I remember having a discussion with a friend of mine over my daughter’s wedding and.

And honestly, I can’t remember what the situation was. I just remember being surprised at a decision that my daughter had made over how she wanted her wedding to look. And my friend reminded me, well, ⁓ you know, what’s more important to you? The preserving the relationship with your daughter, making that the priority or getting your way in what the wedding looks like? And honestly, I didn’t have huge opinions about what I wanted the wedding to look like. There was really just kind of one issue that I was struggling with.

And it was so helpful because it was like, yes, I am committed to my relationship with my daughter, not to getting my way. And so that really helped me to be able to let go of that situation and be more supportive of her as she was doing her wedding planning. So that’s how our core values help us to sort of stay in that lane.

and go the direction that we want to go, that we’re called to go and be the people that we are meant to be. So that’s key number two. Let me move on. Key number three is going to be to understand roles and seasons because sometimes you have a role that’s just for a season. Some roles are for a lifetime, which, you know, mom, wife, typically those are a lot long term versus some roles could be shorter, such as Sunday school teacher

And honestly, there was a time in my life where all I could do was identify myself as a wife or a mom. Like I didn’t know what else I was or who else I was. And so I think that’s common. And as I matured and grew, my faith God would teach me things. So I could have taken more pride in my company and just really identified myself as a good.

Devoted employee. I didn’t do that. I don’t know why that didn’t cross my mind. I didn’t hate my company or my job I’m just saying I could have taken more ownership of that and and really honed in on being a good employee another example being I did not think it was a big deal at all to help in the church nursery and Tim and I did that for Years, I can’t remember how many years but several over five and we ended up enjoying it, but I didn’t

think that was significant and I didn’t think that that was a way to identify myself. I didn’t realize that it would be important to say, yeah, I am ⁓ in the nursery and to take pride in that and to recognize that someone’s got to do it and not everyone who helps in the nursery does it well. So ⁓ those were some ways where I was like, didn’t realize how owning my spot was actually valuable, would have really helped me to better understand who I am.

Again, I’ve talked about this a few times. I lived a very small safe life. And so there wasn’t a whole lot of drive to to to be better to do more and God had to give me a little bit of a push. And so what that ended up looking like for me is ⁓ when I began to experiment with writing and I can’t remember if I’ve told this story, but you know, I was jotting down some notes on this scene that kept playing over and over in my head and I tucked it in them.

bottom of the mail basket and for some reason one random day my husband decided he was going to sort the mail which was typically my job at that point and of course he found it and he was like what is this Jen and I was so embarrassed and and I was like nothing nothing and he’s like wait this isn’t nothing he’s like if you enjoy this and you’re good at it why would you not like make this a thing and so because he planted that seed in my mind I was like ⁓ maybe I could write a book

And so I delved into that and I realized ⁓ that that was a calling or a rule that he had for me was to become an author. And I remember the first time I submitted a, a manuscript to be edited by my writing coach that I was working with. And I remember when I got back her feedback, the first thing she said at the top of the email was you are a writer. And I remember looking at that with tears in my eyes thinking, my goodness, a professional.

recognizes that this is who I am, that I am supposed to be this. And I printed that email and I had it posted up on my wall for over 10 years because it was a reminder of, yes, this is a part of who I am. And sometimes we do need a little help. We need a little push from people or a little validation from somebody to recognize, yes, this is what God put in you and to help us step up and own it. And that is gonna happen from time to time. So.

Now here I am, you know, I’ve written a couple historical novels and then I felt a nudge to write nonfiction. If you would have asked me 10, 15 years ago, I would have never thought God would have called me to that. I would have thought I was just a novelist. And so I’ve been working for a year on a book about intimacy with the Lord and I’m excited. I’m almost finished editing it and I’m hopefully going to be able to start chopping it around to publishers.

within the next couple of months. ⁓ So ⁓ again, a role or a facet of who I am that I didn’t recognize, but it eventually came forward. Here I am in my late 40s and I’m just now realizing, okay, maybe I am supposed to be not just a novelist, but a writer of nonfiction. So seasons matter. ⁓

God didn’t call me to this years ago because I wasn’t healed enough. I wouldn’t have been able to get the message out in the right way that would have been able to help other people. But now that I’ve gone through so much freedom and inner healing, I’m able to be able to talk about things in a way that is going to help other women connect and it’s going to help other people begin to understand ⁓ why intimacy with the Lord is important and how that can look. It can look different than what we’ve always been taught in the church. But anyways, let me not get too far on a tangent about my book.

I will tell you more about that later. So essentially my point here with this third key is just to recognize that there’s gonna be different roles and there’s gonna be different seasons and there are multiple facets and multiple roles that you are called to. It is not just one or two. So be open to what the Lord wants to show you about who you are and in this current season, what is he wanting from you? ⁓

key number four is gonna be recognizing your gifts and talents and passions. And I’ve talked a little bit about this before on another episode, so I won’t go too deep, but you really need to own what you’re good at. And just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean you don’t need to hone those skills. So keep in mind that there will be training involved most of the time in becoming more fully the person that God has designed you to be.

But ⁓ for me, writing, when I first started getting into doing novels, I had to do some research. I had to get some practice. I had to get some advice and go to conferences and begin honing those skills. Just because I was good at it didn’t mean I was good to the point of automatically ready to be published. So there was some work that had to go into that. There was some time that had to go into that. When I ⁓ was told by one of the bosses at the orthopedic clinic,

where I was working, ⁓ they called out this skill in me or this, what would I call it? This gift, ⁓ something that I was really good at was project management. And at that point, I had never even heard of the word project management. And I was like, ⁓ what does that mean? And so the more I thought about it, the more I was like, wow, I am actually good at project management. You give me a project, I’m gonna get it done.

And I realized like that is a facet of who I am, but somebody had to point it out to me. And then I was able to recognize, oh, okay, I’m really good at saying, here’s what needs to be done. We’re gonna do a step A, B, C, and D, and we’re gonna put it all together and then we’re gonna have this end result. So it was really powerful to me to realize, oh, here’s another thing that I’m good at. Here’s another skill that is a part of who I am, something that got instilled in me that I could use.

you know, in different areas to help and be a blessing.

And along with that being when I felt God nudging me into management, knew, goodness gracious, I had never been a boss before. I felt very ill-equipped, as I’ve said before. And so I had to go get some training. And one of the things I did was I went through this organization called ⁓ Medical Group Management Association. They have a specific ⁓ degree or program that you can do. And it’s a…

work at your own pace, but essentially once you master these, think there were six elements of running a practice and you take this really intense test, then you can get these initials behind your name that essentially say, you know how to run a medical practice. And I thought in order to be a better manager, even though I don’t necessarily feel called to become a CEO or run a clinic,

this is going to benefit me. So I wanted to grow my skills in just better understanding what it means to run a medical practice. And so I went ahead and took that certification and I ⁓ gained a lot of knowledge and a lot of skills that have helped me be better at being a billing manager. there’s going to be times where you’re called to something and you’re going to have to get some training and hone your skills. So those are a few examples from my own life.

⁓ Another thing also I think when people think about their calling or their mission, they tend to get stuck on the idea that it has to be in church or ministry. And so I want to debunk that lie or that myth that that is not how God works. Not everybody is called to ministry. You don’t have to be a worship leader or a pastor or a teacher in the church. Nothing like that. There are tons of people who are called to different things.

It could be, ⁓ you know, so many people are called to the marketplace. We need believers with integrity to run businesses. We need ⁓ Christians in politics, ⁓ believers who are actually going to listen to what the Lord wants for our country and what the Lord wants as far as governing the people. ⁓ We need people who are involved in arts and entertainment. ⁓

So it’s not just about a job. ⁓ It’s also about showing up in places that need the light of Jesus, right? We’re called to be a light in the darkness and we’re called to be the salt of the earth. And so we need to get believers into all of these different areas. And so your assignment or your role, your calling isn’t necessarily just gonna be towards something churchy or something as far as a job. So keep in mind,

⁓ that you don’t want to limit what God has for you. Make sure that you’re being super open to all the different areas where God might be asking you to step up. Also want to do to throw out and clarify that this doesn’t always mean that you’re in the spotlight or on the stage or it doesn’t mean you have to be like this huge person who’s feeding all the hungry kids in Africa. Like what God calls us to is it can also be a lot of little things and not everyone can be in the spotlight anyway that it doesn’t

That’s not possible. ⁓ And so if you don’t have that passion, great. Then other people ⁓ who are better at it are going to take that spot. Your spot is going to be something else ⁓ that could be more behind the scenes, then that is totally fine. And not out of fear, so let me point that out. God may be calling you to be in a spotlight and you’re not doing it out of fear. That’s a whole nother topic. But being sure that you own that part of your personality, ⁓

and that you’re not just avoiding something that’s uncomfortable. But yes, not all of us are called to the stage or the spotlight or the microphone. I would have never thought God would have called me to be a podcaster, honestly. this, you you just never know what God’s gonna challenge you to do and where he’s gonna ask you to show up. So we need people who are perfectly happy scrubbing floors in the church or holding screaming babies in the church nursery. There’s so many little things.

that we can do. It could be as simple as just loving on your literal neighbor, like the people in your neighborhood and being salt and light to them and not some huge mission where you’re taking 20 kids out to another country to do a missions project or something. So be careful what we label big and small. It’s not about big and small. It’s about what is your spot and owning that spot that God is asking you to move into. So recognize your gifts, talents, and skills.

and understand what might need to be, where you might need to get some more training in this specific season of your life. enough about that. So key number five, as we wrap up, where are you called to serve? Like what capacity ⁓ are you meant to be helping other people? The scripture is pretty clear. We’re to go and make disciples. We’re to feed the poor. We are to love our neighbors. It’s not just one thing. We don’t just get one mission.

We might have sort of a general life mission, but then we’re gonna have a lot of different assignments inside of that. So our purpose is multifaceted. Our identity is multifaceted. And so we need to make sure that we’re bringing that all together, all those pieces, all those parts. So God is gonna have different assignments for us. I’ve already kind of talked about that. For a while, I think it was about five years, I was doing some blogging and I was leading prayer groups and teaching prayer classes and

Now he’s called me to podcasting. There’s in different seasons, you’re going to do different things. And it may be multiple things at the same time. Like I was a wife and a mom at the same time that I was a boss and a blogger. So it, it, some of it’s going to work together.

Tim and I love to travel and we didn’t get to do a lot of it in Alaska because ⁓ obviously the location was an issue and flying out of there was tough and expensive. But now that we’re over on the East Coast, we’re able to do a lot more traveling. But when we first got married, we went ahead and bought into a timeshare. whatever your opinion on that, ⁓ we were determined that when we invested that money, it was not going to be all about us.

We wanted to be able to take other people with us on trips and bless other people with travel. And so it has been a joy for us to be able to do that. We’ve taken several friends and family members with us when we went to Hawaii. We gifted a friend ⁓ who had just got married. We gifted them a trip to the Virgin Islands as a ⁓ sort of like a ⁓ honeymoon experience, although they did take a weekend away.

I was kind of hesitating to share that one because I don’t want to brag, but I’m trying to show you there’s so many different ways that you are going to have a purpose ⁓ and you’re going to have gifts that you can give to other people to bless them and serve them. And it doesn’t have to just look one certain way. Another example is when we moved here, we ended up getting a home with four bedrooms. Well, when our daughter moved out, we realized we had this extra room and what were we going to do with it?

and God ⁓ called us to serve a family member who was in need. And so we invited this person into our home and we have been able to provide a safe, secure space for this person to be with very little effort on our, very little exertion on our part, but just being open and willing. So part of our purpose is being able to serve and help this family member because we had this opening or we had this

the capacity or the ability to offer this. So what are some ways that you can serve other people that God has put you in a position to where you can be a helper and a blessing to someone in need. So, ⁓

look around, look ahead, what does God have for you? What is he ⁓ wanting your help with? What is he needing you to step into? And how is he ⁓ asking you to be more loving, be more giving and make an impact? remember your future is bright. All these facets, all these keys, ⁓ God gave it to you for a reason.

Some of it, you know, it’s like a diamond in the rough. You’ve got to shape it and mold it and turn it into the best version. But ⁓ it’s not just a matter of sitting back and letting these things just happen. We need to be intentional. We need to do the work. We need to put in the time and we need to make sure that we’re in tune with the spirit so that we are following where he is guiding us to go. So find your spot, own your spot, be intentional.

and make sure that you’re in partnership with the Lord so that you’re fully embracing your identity and your purpose to be all that he called you to be. So before I run through our final thoughts, I just wanted to throw out if you’ve gotten any sort of insights or help from any of my episodes, ⁓ would you please share those episodes? I have not been super great about asking for your help.

I’ve gotten a lot of good feedback and I really appreciate ⁓ all of you who are who have stuck with me and been listening as I get this up and running. But if you would please help me out and be sure to share the podcast and share the episodes that have been meaningful to you, I would greatly appreciate your support in that way. So as we go about this week, let’s explore the depths of these final thoughts. Key number one, do you know where you came from?

Key number two, can you identify what’s important to you? What are your core values? Key number three, do you understand your current season and your current roles? And then key number four, do you recognize the skills and gifts and talents and passions that God has given you that he’s wanting you to use? And then key number five, can you see where you’re called to serve?

And that is going to be it for today. Thanks everybody for joining me. I will see you next time.