E27 5 Lies About Finding Joy: Discover What Really Makes You Happy—Without Guilt, Shame, or Pressure

SHOW TRANSCRIPT:

Jen Cudmore (00:00)
Today I’m going to debunk some myths, lies, and wrong expectations around the idea of joy. So we’re going to talk about what joy really looks like in daily life, what you might be doing wrong, and how to invite more joy into your life. So stick around. Here we go.

Welcome everybody. Thanks for joining back here on Into the Depths podcast. I’m Jennifer, the host. Be sure to grab those free resources I’ve created. I’ve talked about it in the past couple episodes, but those are going to help you renew your mind and just get you reflecting on some different things that you can do better and get free of self-sabotage. So the links are in the show notes. Also, I wanted to remind everybody that I’m going to be launching a Patreon account soon. I’m really excited about learning how to use this platform. It’s just another way that we could build community and do some like

do some lives and do some discussions. And so I’m looking forward to developing some things like that. And I think you guys are going to love it. all right, let’s talk about joy. This kind of feels like an odd topic for me to tackle right now, honestly, since in a couple of days, I’m going to be heading out to my dad’s funeral. It’s been almost three months and we had decided to push it back a little bit for various reasons. But God has put the concept of joy on my heart,

I think that a lot of believers or followers of Jesus, they think they know what joy is. They think they know how it’s supposed to look in daily life. But I think honestly,

there’s a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding. And I know like I’m the first to raise my hand because, you know, I was a Christian for 20 years before I even realized I actually don’t really have any joy in my life. And that was kind of embarrassing to admit, but I’ll remember when I was in counseling and he said to me, what brings you joy? And I was stumped. I felt so ridiculous, like I couldn’t answer the question. I thought, what?

how can I not know the answer to this? And it really bothered me, not just feeling ashamed and ⁓ kind of condemning myself for not being a good enough Christian, not knowing what brings me joy, but then also just around the idea, but I don’t even know how to answer the question. Like, how do I figure out what brings me joy? What is it supposed to look like? And so I thought, well, if that was my experience, then I know there’s gonna be other people out there.

that had that happen. And I had a conversation with one of my prayer partners a few days ago and she had mentioned the concept of joy and a journey that she’s on in learning what brings her joy. And so this topic has been on my mind for a few days. And so I thought, why don’t I go ahead and tackle it with just some different things that God has shown me. So let’s just start with the definition. What actually is joy? So according to

Online dictionaries, joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness and expression of delight or felicity or like deep happiness and contentment. That’s how I would explain it. Deep happiness and contentment. And so tangibly, what does joy look like? It’s not like we just walk around with a smile on our face 24 seven. That’s not it. So what is it?

To start off with, would say, joy starts with God because the scripture tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength, right? It’s also a fruit of the spirit. So joy is pretty important to the walk of a follower of Jesus. And so what brings us joy? What about God brings us joy? What about being a follower of him is supposed to invoke joy in our lives? Well, I would suggest that it’s who he is because

He has love, he is faithful, there’s so many characteristics about him there’s a lot to be joyful over just in his attributes. it can be really helpful to go through the Bible and pick out what are all of God’s names and what are all of his characteristics to really help us better understand him. But the more we get to know him, the more just being in relationship with him.

brings joy into our lives. Another piece of that is also what he has done for us, like sending his son Jesus to die on the cross to take away our sins. That’s kind of a big deal. Or ⁓ all the prayers that he answers in our life. We have so much ⁓ about our relationship with God that can bring us joy. But along with that, it doesn’t have to be religious. There’s so many other ways that

we can have joy in our lives. So this is just a list that I came up with, but I would say number one is people. And I know people can drive us crazy and, and, know, really annoy us, but there’s a lot of good people in our lives that can bring us joy. if you’re a parent, your children has probably multiple times brought joy into your life, just with their little giggle as a baby or, you know, watching them grow, watching them succeed and

and just spread their wings and become all that God’s designed them to be. Every step of a child growing, there’s so much joy in that. your close friends, your BFF. mean, spending time with them, doing life with them, the fact that they just understand you so well and that they, ⁓ just that sweet relationship that you have, that back and forth and.

And also the challenges, right? Iron sharpens iron. So having close friends is not all sweetness all the time, but there’s joy in having your friends challenge you and say, huh, I think, I think you need to relook at this. I don’t think you’re handling this well, or here’s some other things you need to look through. There’s joy in that because they care enough to challenge you when you’re off base. There’s joy in ⁓ seeing people succeed.

I’ll never forget when my daughter won a couple debate tournaments in middle school. Like that just brought me so much joy. I was so proud of her watching her hone this skill that God had had given her Or even like when she got married last year, it brings me so much joy. This man that God brought into her life is just perfect for her.

It’s such a sweet relationship. can’t even think about it without smiling because I’m so happy that my daughter has found the perfect partner that God put them together and it’s just such a sweet relationship. There’s so many things about people in our lives. I guess I’ve been kind of focused on kids, but the other way, you know, having people in your lives brings you joy. My husband loves to laugh and he’s always, cracking jokes or

you know, being ornery and that brings me a lot of joy. He is so much fun to be around because he’s such a funny guy. So not just people, but also I think of creatures like my pets. I’ve had a lot of different pets in my life, but right now I have the most delightful little orange cat. We rescued him from a humane society a couple of years ago.

And he was a little older than I wanted, but he has been like the perfect pet. just the different ways that he brings you the ball because he wants you to throw it so he can play fetch and bring it back to you or just the way how sometimes he likes to sleep on my pillow in my face at night. Thankfully not every night because it’s hard to sleep when you can’t breathe. He’s got his back right up your nose, but

⁓ That little man brings me so much joy. It’s just incredible how much pets can enrich your life, truly. ⁓ But it could also be other things like, ⁓ I absolutely love dolphins. And I believe I’ve talked about this before, but seeing a dolphin in the wild or like even in an aquarium, just, I get really excited about it. I just think they’re really neat creatures. And so that is something that’s really special to me.

I also have a fondness for tigers and especially now that I got to meet Reggie in Australia. I’ve talked about meeting Reggie before and I got to walk with him and pet him this wild tiger like just blew my mind how much I loved that.

I joined some Facebook groups that do a lot of photos of tigers because it just brings me so much joy to see these beautiful animals, these creatures that God made. I like to every now and then just go look at some of those photos that people have taken of just these beautiful creatures. ⁓ Another thing that’s been really interesting, I’m starting to really fall in love with turtles and I don’t know why I can’t put my finger on it.

But I will tell you, a couple of weeks ago, I ran downstairs. was in the middle of work taking a break, ran down to fill up my water bottle, looked out in my yard and I’m like, what is that thing moving across the grass? Like for a second I was like, my goodness, what is in my yard? And I, ⁓

It took me a second to realize it was the back of a turtle. I was like, no way. mean, the thing was probably at least 10 inches round. So it was kind of a big guy. And so I grabbed my camera, ran out there, took a couple of videos. I don’t think it really appreciated me getting that close. I think I was probably like, I don’t know, two or three feet away, but I was determined to get some photos and videos of that thing. I could not believe it was walking through my backyard. It was, I blew my mind, but.

Anyways, that brought me a lot of joy. Not just the fact that I’m learning to really love turtles, but that thing was walking through my own backyard. I’m in upstate South Carolina. That just is crazy. so yeah, creatures, different kinds of creatures, whether it’s a pet or a wild animal, those, they can bring us a lot of joy into our lives. So another thing is objects. Today I’m wearing one of my most favorite, most favorite t-shirts ever. I’ve had this thing forever. I think.

I mean several, several years it’s wearing out honestly. But I love it because it’s a color that really brings out the blue in my eyes, this turquoise. And then, you know, it’s got this little picture of the ocean and the sunshine and it just, it’s super comfortable and ⁓ kind of lightweight. So it’s good for more of like summer wear. So even objects like clothes can bring us joy or maybe like some really cute shoes. I’m more of a flip flop girl.

And honestly, flip-flops can really bring me joy, especially now that I live in this more of the South. Whereas in Alaska, I only got to wear flip-flops a few times because of, you know, the snow being on the ground all seven months out of the year. But down here, I get to wear flip-flops for, I don’t know, at least nine, 10 months.

So anyhow, that’s fun for me. ⁓ What else? Objects. A vehicle. Like my last car was my absolute favorite. And it wasn’t like a fancy car. It was just a Compass. And it was just a beautiful red color. It had a few fancy things in there that I just loved. I had that thing for about two years. every time I got in that car, I would feel so much joy. And a lot of it was just gratitude that the Lord had provided a way for us to get the vehicle.

And when we had the Jeep Wrangler, man, we had so much fun in that thing with the top down and the wind blowing all over. ⁓ That Wrangler brought us a lot of joy when Tim and I would take road trips together.

⁓ Other objects or other things, material things. It could be just a good cup of coffee or cup of tea. I go between coffee and tea all the time. It could be, you know, favorite things in your home. Like I’ve got some really cute curtains in a couple of the rooms. I never really cared about curtains before until I moved here. But for some reason, I just really enjoyed putting up curtains in the different rooms in my home. It could be ⁓ other objects in your house like ⁓

I got this white hutch to go in my kitchen and I decorated it. I’m not so much of a decorator. I don’t really have an eye for those things, but I just threw up some things I liked. A couple of vases, a sensei, warmer, a really nice cutting board that my nephew made me homemade. Just a really beautiful cutting board. And then a few different plants. you know, I, it was.

been a couple of years since I did all this. And man, every time I walk in my kitchen and I just see that beautiful display, it brings me so much joy. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just said that quick prayer. God, thank you so much for this cute little hutch in my kitchen so that every time I turn around, I just see this color and this life. And it just brings me so much joy. ⁓ So objects, there could be lots of different ways that material things can bring you joy.

Like maybe it’s just as simple as a bouquet of flowers. Sometimes I’ll bring that home and just smile every time I see them on the table. Can’t do that quite as much anymore because my cats like to eat the flowers, but that’s another topic. What else? Okay, so places can bring us a lot of joy. There’s, mean, a lot of nature, like me going to the beach or the ocean, waterfalls, forests, gardens. ⁓

Memories of Australia are kind of a big deal for me because I ended up enjoying that trip a whole lot more than I thought I would. But there’s so many different ways that a place can bring you joy. And a lot of times it’s linked to a happy memory, but it may not be. It may just be the environment or the atmosphere. And then activities can bring us joy. Typically, it’s going to be something fun or relaxing. So something fun might be a movie marathon with some friends or family.

could be maybe just like going out shopping. Not everybody has fun shopping, but some people do. ⁓ Meeting a friend for coffee, going out to dinner. Tim and I love to just take a drive and do road trips. That brings us joy. We love just playing some of our favorite music or stopping and seeing ⁓ different places or But that’s something that brings us joy that we’ve been trying to do a lot now that we live.

down here on the lower 48. Or it could be something relaxing. I love a good pedicure. That brings me a lot of joy. It could be ⁓ being on a boat out in the water. That’s something that I absolutely love. ⁓ Hiking through a forest, cooking a meal with your family, reading a good book. There’s so many different activities you can do that would bring you joy. I’m not a super athletic person, but I know that I have a lot of friends who do.

athletic activities or sports and that brings them a lot of joy. So there’s so many different ways that you can have joy in your life. You just got to figure out what works for you and then be intentional about implementing those things into your day or your week or your month. So let’s talk about some common lies about joy. And I would say most of these have like a small measure of truth, but the kicker is

the lies or the wrong expectations or the myth is the phrase is out of balance. So let me explain what I mean. The first one is there must be something wrong with me if I don’t know what brings me joy. And that’s absolutely wrong. ⁓ It’s not that there’s something wrong with you personally. It’s just that you haven’t learned how to

see that, become aware of it. And it’s not a big deal because you just you put effort into it and you learn it. So ⁓ and I have found honestly, I think for a lot of believers, God will take us on a journey to better understand who he made us to be. And then we develop from there. We’re like, OK, because this is who I am, it makes sense to me why these types of things bring me joy. So I think the more that you really learn to understand who you are,

the more you’re gonna tap into the things that bring joy into your life. I think there’s a natural connection to that. So if you’re not sure, I would say really start to hone in on who did God make me to be? And that’ll help you discover some areas in your life where you can bring in some joy, it’s normal that it’s a learning process. So.

Don’t put pressure on yourself. It’s okay. It took me several months to figure out some things for myself. So it’s okay if it takes you a few months or even a couple of years to learn what kinds of activities or objects are gonna bring you joy. And that’s okay. It’s not a big deal. So what you wanna do is you want to become curious and just start paying attention. Okay, well, maybe I didn’t like this so much. I just did it out of obligation. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it.

But this over here, the more I do this, I’m realizing, okay, I really enjoy this. And so this is something I want to have more in my life. So just being curious and having awareness and being intentional. So the next lie is that as a Christian, you are supposed to feel joy all the time. And there’s a measure of truth in that. Yes, as believers, since it is a fruit of the spirit, we ought to have more of it in our lives than an unbeliever.

However, there’s also different seasons and God doesn’t expect us to be, like I said before, He doesn’t expect us to be joyful all the time with a smile on our face 24 seven. That’s not His intention. So there are gonna be seasons like, you know, I have spent some time in grief over my father’s God didn’t expect me to be joyful during that time. And there were moments of joy, but.

That was a season, a season of grief and mourning and still is honestly. ⁓ you know, learning to balance it, it’s okay to not have to look this way all the time. That’s not what God intended.

If we don’t have very much joy in our life, then that is simply something that we can acknowledge and say, okay, there may be something out of balance in my life and this is something that I should probably look into, but it’s not about condemnation or an expectation that you have to look a certain way. So number three lie that I want to debunk is that joy should just come naturally to me. I shouldn’t have to work for it. shouldn’t have to

go out and find it. And I disagree with that 100%. I think that we’re all broken. We live in a sinful fallen world. ⁓ even though God may have set it up, you know, in a perfect world, maybe joy would come naturally to us, but that’s not where we’re living right now. I believe there’s a lot of things in our…

in our Christian walk that we have to fight for. I think that joy is one of them, because if Satan can get us to be down and depressed and anxious all the time, then we can’t be joyful and we can’t ⁓ present the gospel as well as we would if we were more joyful. maybe in a perfect world, joy should come naturally for us, but that’s not how it is right now.

So let’s just keep our expectations in the right place. It’s OK if it’s hard for us sometimes to find joy. And it’s OK if it takes us a little while to figure out what brings us joy as an individual. Because it’s not the same for everybody, right? Different things work for different people because of our different personalities and our different life journeys and experiences. So let’s move on to line number four. Joy is not the same as happiness.

Now hold on, just hear me out for a second. I recognize that technically joy and happiness are different, but here’s the key that I want you to get. Happiness is an element of joy. If you go look up the definition of joy, you are going to find the word happiness. That’s why what I was saying at the beginning is joy is really a deep happiness and contentment. So it’s not just happiness, right?

It’s there’s more depth to it than that. But happiness is absolutely an element of joy. They are not two totally separate things. And I heard this a lot growing up. I don’t know if it’s super prevalent in churches now, but there was always a great emphasis on the difference between joy and happiness and how we are not to pursue happiness. We are to pursue joy because that’s what good Christians do.

but it’s out of balance. It doesn’t take into account the full truth of it. They’re not as different as people have tried to make us believe. And the fear is that as a Christian or as a follower of Christ, I don’t want to be shallow because I’m trying to be happy, right? I want to have a deep relationship with the Lord and I want to be a good Christian. So therefore,

I don’t want to go after happiness. I want to go after joy.

but it’s not shallow to try to seek a certain amount of happiness. If that’s all you’re after is your own comfort and your own fulfillment, that’s a problem and you’re out of balance. But going after happiness is not wrong and it’s not a sin. And I think there’s been a lot of confusion around that topic. And so then that takes me to lie number five that really kind of partners with that is that God doesn’t care about our happiness and that is not true.

Now, to a certain extent, our happiness and contentment are not more important than godly character, God is definitely more concerned about our character than our comfort, for sure. But there’s nothing in the Bible that tells us that we can’t seek happiness. In fact, if joy is one of the fruit of the spirit, it’s there for a reason. And if happiness is linked to joy, and we’re called to have a certain amount of joy in our life,

It’s not wrong to seek happiness in our life. Now, we need to be careful that we’re seeking it in ways that are in alignment with what God wants for us and what the Bible says. We can’t seek happiness through like avenues of sin or something like that. But definitely, it is not wrong to seek a certain amount of happiness in your life if you are a follower of Christ. So, I wanted to debunk some of those myths because again, while there’s an element of truth in some of them,

they’re skewed and

So yeah, God’s goal for our life isn’t happiness. ⁓ He certainly didn’t intend for us to be miserable though. That’s scriptural. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord. And especially if it’s linked to something that brings you joy, because that’s got the contentment, the fulfillment, ⁓ the rest and settledness, right?

So God does care about our happiness. So don’t fool yourself into thinking that he doesn’t. You just want to make sure you’re keeping that in balance because the pursuit of happiness isn’t really what scripture calls us to do. So how do we make room for more joy in our life? In what ways can we invite more joy into our hearts and we can exude that?

I would say there’s three different ways or things that you can do that would invite more joy. So number one, start with gratitude. Gratitude and joy are absolutely linked. The more you have a thankful heart, the more you’re going to find joy in your life. So I recommend daily picking at least one thing that you can focus on and be grateful for.

I have mentioned this before when I did an episode on gratitude, I highly recommend that you keep a gratitude journal and you write in it every day at least one thing that you’re thankful for because that is attached to our mental health as well. But when you focus on the good in your life, then you can see joy more easily and more clearly. A second step that I think is really helpful is remembering

that as a believer, as a follower of Christ, we have hope and hope is also connected to joy. Believers have hope because of all the promises in the Bible. There’s so many good things that God has promised us, that we have hope in a good future, as it says in Jeremiah 29, 11, that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. There’s so many promises in the Bible. And so we can hold on to that. We have hope. because we know

that that we God has a lot of good things planned ahead in our future, And even if in the moment we’re experiencing experiencing an issue or a trial, we can still hold on to that deep joy, that happiness and contentment. ⁓ We don’t have to be happy about the specific situation or circumstance, but we can still hold on to that joy and a place of

contentment in our hearts because we have a hope. We know that goodness is coming. And then another thing I think is really important is that we have to have a renewed mind. If we are constantly living out of a negative mindset, that is going to prevent us from experiencing joy. It crowds out joy. there’s so many different types of

of mindsets, but if you’re ⁓ complaining all the time, you’re not going to feel joy. If you are bummed or kind of depressed you’re not going to see joy as much. you’re because your focus tends to be on the negative and the things that you don’t like about life.

you can’t make room for joy. And so it’s important that you renew your mind and that you really recognize where do I have some negative mindsets that need to be taken care of and how can I tear that apart and build some good thought habits. I’ve talked a lot about negative mindsets and I’m going to go into that more later, I’m sure. This is a really big topic for me because I was stuck in negative mindsets for so long and it really wreaked a lot of havoc in my life. And so

that’s a topic that I’m going to keep talking about because it causes me so much trouble and I want to help you not stay stuck in that. But anyhow, for the sake of time, since we’re running, we’re running to the end, I’m going to leave it there. So yeah, if you want to make more room for joy in your life, get some more gratitude, focus on hope, renew your mind and start tearing down those negative thought habits and build some new healthy mindsets. And then you’ll be able to more easily focus on

things that bring you joy.

So that’s it for today, everybody. We’ll see you in a couple of weeks. I’m not doing an episode ⁓ next week because of the funeral. I’ll be focused on family. So there will be a one week break, but then I’ll be back. So I will see you then. Bye.