E33 When Trying Something New Brings Out Your Worst: 7 Grace-Filled Ways to Overcome with God’s Help

SHOW TRANSCRIPT:

Jen Cudmore (00:00)
Attempting something new like a habit or a skill or you’re just simply stepping into a new season of life That is always going to bring your personal junk up

to the surface. And that’s what happened to me when I started this podcast several months ago. And I know you felt it too when you’ve tried something new. So I thought today I would share seven ways that starting the podcast has brought out the worst in me and how God’s helping me overcome those things, but also how you can overcome too when you try something new that’s challenging. So let’s dive in.

Hey everyone, welcome back to Into the Depths podcast. I’m your host, Jennifer. Thanks for joining me today as we explore some different things below the surface. Today what I am talking about is the challenges of trying something new and not just the hardship of being brave to do it, but all of the garbage that’s kind of hidden in our heart that tends to get ⁓ revealed as we’re dealing with these challenges.

⁓ I thought I would just share some of the things I’ve been working through because I’m sure you can relate in your own life to some things for you as well. you’re always going to encounter new things, right? That’s just kind of what life is about, whether it’s at work or in your family or in your faith or maybe a specific relationship. So every day there’s going to be something new that we have to face and we have a choice. We can either shrink back

or we can step up and be like, let me figure this out. so walking, I want to walk with you today in some practical grace-filled ways that we can handle the junk that comes up. So I honestly thought that podcasting was just going to be about simply recording my voice. And it has become way more than that. God is using it as a process of revealing.

and uncovering things that have been really hindering me and harming me and getting in my way and holding me back, things that I hadn’t noticed before or to a depth that I hadn’t noticed it before. So I am grateful, but it has been a challenge. And so maybe for you, it’s not podcasting, but you know, God is using your season right now to bring up things that he wants to heal in you as well. And so what is that? You know, how can we, as those things come up, how can we handle those challenges?

in a proper way and find some healing and some freedom. So starting this podcast brought out the worst in me. Here’s the first way, imposter syndrome. This is so normal. Everybody deals with it and I get that, but that whole concept of I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t have it all together. I don’t want to appear like I’m a fraud, you know, and I haven’t mastered everything that I’ve been sharing with you.

on the show. I’m not an expert, but these are some things that God has taught me that and some tools that I’ve been starting to use that have just made life go a whole lot easier. And so I want to share that with you. But just remembering that I’m already enough and it and just being myself is all that God has ever asked of me. So with every episode, with every social media post, I’m just sharing what’s on my heart, what God has taught me and don’t

Don’t make it about are people going to believe me and understand that I’m not an expert and that these tips really do work. It’s just silly those things that we tend to struggle with, those negative thoughts. ⁓ So how do you move past it? You might feel unqualified, whether it’s like being a mom or being in ministry or being a manager, or maybe you’re just even just trying to show up differently in a relationship. Be a better version of yourself.

It’s not about ⁓ making sure that you look legit, right? The goal is, know, God didn’t call experts. He equips those who are willing, and then He grows you into who He wants you to be. So you don’t have to be finished to be faithful to what He’s called you to or that area that you’re wanting to work on. So just something to remember. The second area that I’ve struggled with is the inner critic, and I’ve talked about this before too, but

man, my personal standards are not the same as God’s and I have really struggled with wanting to look polished and perfect and that’s just not what God is asking of me. I want to be eloquent. I don’t want to stumble over my words. I don’t want to say, know, ⁓ and

so a thousand times every episode and maybe it’s not that bad of course we’re always the harshest critic towards ourselves right nobody wants to look like an idiot that’s normal and so understanding that this is kind of goes with the territory when you’re trying something new you’re always gonna just you’re always gonna look a little bit ⁓ unpolished and raw and real right because ⁓

It takes a while of practice to get great at something. So you want to practice being okay with not looking polished and perfect. It’s not supposed to be a nice, neat package. And in this world and our culture, ⁓ especially with the way media has gone and especially social media, we see so many perfect and polished things that we start to get that stuck in our head as a standard. And that’s not really ⁓ what real life is all about.

finding that balance between what is real life versus wanting excellence and wanting to put your best foot forward, right? So being overly worried and obsessed like is my hair in the right spot? Is the light shining on my glasses? Is that reflection bothering people? That has been a huge one for me. I get really nervous about how the glare is showing up on my glasses. So there’s just so many little ways that the critic has come out. That’s just a couple, but.

I’m trying to remember it’s about balance. It’s about giving my best. It’s about just saying yes to the Lord, being willing to show up, being willing to grow and learn and being willing to not be amazing at something new. Nobody is amazing when they start something new. That’s just not reality. So except that in the beginning, it’s it might not be quite so smooth. It might not be quite so. ⁓

clean and clear and that that’s okay because we all start somewhere. So if you’re starting something new or you’re struggling with criticizing yourself over something specific, maybe you’re worried about being the perfect question Christian or the perfect mom or the perfect boss or saying the right words when you’re a small group. Haven’t we all done this? We’re like, okay, I know I should speak up, but I don’t want to sound stupid and I don’t know how to word what I’m saying. man, we’ve all done that. So just try to catch that.

And remind yourself that excellence grows with practice and it’s not about eloquence. ⁓ It’s about intimacy with the Lord, letting him grow us, letting him bring us through the mess and being okay with that imperfect, being okay with the mess. It’s not about everything being polished and clean and smooth, right? So shifting our standards a little bit. ⁓

People pleasing, number three, that has been a huge one for me. I think a lot of women tend to struggle with this and so I wanted to make sure I brought this up. Our validation, our worth ⁓ is not in the numbers and we tend to lean towards results in ⁓ establishing our value and that is a normal struggle, but it’s something that we really need to be aware of so that we can catch it and…

and keep ourselves from falling into that pit, falling into that hole. What are other people going to think of me?

It’s normal human response to want to be liked. I’ve been struggling with making sure that I don’t get too stuck on the numbers because the numbers not growing as fast as I want them to equates to I’m doing it wrong and people don’t like me. That’s incorrect. That’s not the proper ⁓ interpretation of the data. And so practicing.

Quality over quantity, that’s a phrase that God has given me, focus on the quality and not the quantity. And so I’ve been trying to do that. Some days are easier than others, but the numbers are not an indication of my worth or whether or not people like me. And so that is just one piece of the puzzle in establishing ⁓ how to grow and move forward. So for you, for a takeaway, when you’re struggling in the area of

wanting validation or wanting to please people and get positive attention, just remember, if you’re looking for approval from maybe a boss or maybe a pastor, maybe someone in your friend group or maybe someone in your family, remember, especially on social media, because we want to get lots of comments and likes on our social media, we’ve got to remember that our worth is not in how other people react or whether or not they actually react.

And that is a difficult lesson, I think, for a lot of us because it makes us feel good when people react to our stuff. It makes us feel seen and heard and noticed. we need to get our needs met from the Lord and not from people. so recognizing that there could be something going on in your heart that’s causing you to seek attention from a place that’s not, you’re not meant to get that need filled. So.

Remember this, here’s your takeaway. Your worth is not in other people’s reactions. Your worth is in who God says you are. And that’s a journey that we all take. And I think it does take a bit of time and effort to us to put away the old and really embrace who we are and become comfortable and confident in who God made us to be. So area number four, wrong expectations and rules. And I think this kind of goes along with some of the other things. But for me, how this was showing up was,

how long it took me to learn something. I felt like I should be learning things faster and understanding them faster than what I was. my personality is I hate moving slow. I’m a driven person and I just want to get in and get it done. Give me four steps, I’ll get them all done and boom, we’re gonna have it figured out, right? And that’s just not how life works a lot of the time. So I’ve really had to work on that expectation of how it should look when I’m learning something or

Another silly rule I put on myself is that I needed to have several episodes stacked up or I wasn’t a good podcaster and while that is good wise advice I don’t have to have several episodes stacked up It’s it’s okay if I don’t if I’m recording a few days before it goes live. That’s okay. So just silly things like that ⁓ Another thing is that I that I learned that audience growth or really like getting traction on something like a podcast

typically takes at least 12 months, maybe closer to 18 according to the data. And so here I am, what, eight, nine months in, and I’m looking at the numbers just creeping slowly up. And that’s been a struggle for me. And God has really challenged me that slow and steady is much better growth because it really builds a firm foundation. But, you know, in my humanness, I’m really striving to move faster, get those numbers up, get those people in, get them listening, because I want to help people. That’s my whole goal. So.

⁓ redefining success as ⁓ not focusing on the analytics and how many listeners I have while that is one measure, that doesn’t mean that I have to do things a certain way. So, and I think also we can misinterpret things that God showed us. God’s given me a couple promises ⁓ several years ago, probably 15 years ago, somebody gave me a prophetic word that I’m going to be able to help a lot of people.

And so I’ve been sort of waiting for that to happen. And that’s a little bit of an ambiguous ⁓ prophetic word, honestly.

So here I have been having this expectation that a lot of people, that means something, you know, like, I don’t know, hundreds of thousands or millions. I mean, what does it mean? A lot of people. So just really needing to sit back and let God define what that means and not make up numbers in my head of what something should or shouldn’t look like. And so that’s another example. Another common one when you’re an entrepreneur or an artist or creative, if you will,

is the concept of all I have to do is build it and everyone’s going to come, everyone’s going to want it. That whole concept of if you build it, they will come. And while there is some truth to that, we still have work to do. We still have to put effort into marketing and promotion and getting our artwork out there, getting our projects out there. But the goal is not to just ⁓ do the thing and sit back. I mean, we have to be obedient to what God has called us to.

but there may be steps that we’re missing out on, ⁓ whether it’s fear or whether it’s laziness or just misunderstanding, there could be some different ways. So remembering that ⁓ we have to have our expectations in the right spot. We need to be careful not to put rules and limits on ourselves, which I have definitely done a lot of on my life. So here’s your takeaway for number four, wrong expectations and rules.

⁓ If you’re like me and you have a tendency to expect instant blessing, immediate breakthrough, quick answers to prayer, that’s what we all want all the time, right? And sometimes God moves slower because it’s better for us and we don’t have to like it, but that’s the way he chooses to do things. So remembering that God’s timeline is always right and it’s usually going to be slower than what we would want. That’s normal, but it’s also stronger than we can comprehend, really.

And so learning to trust him because he’s building roots in us. He’s really wanting to shore up that foundation. And that way later when it’s time for harvest, we can bear more fruit. So whatever it is, this new thing that you are experiencing, remember that ⁓ God doesn’t typically move quickly because he’s stretching us and growing us. So area number five where I’ve struggled is the concept. And this is really just a lie, but ⁓ I don’t have enough time.

And that is actually something that I have has always been kind of hounding me, dogging my heels for decades because I am a driven person. I’m always wanting to get more done and be more productive. But in this case, because I am still working full time, you know, and I’m only able to put so much time into side projects like volunteering at church or doing a podcast, it feels like. ⁓

My schedule is just really tight right now and some months are better than others. I have a couple trips for September that have sort of cut into my calendar that have made this month a little more challenging. And you know, the past couple months, I’ve also been dealing with some grief over my father passing away. So there’s going to be things that come up that eat your time and you’ve got to have that margin and you’ve got to have that space. But pardon me.

I often wonder, or I shouldn’t say often, a couple times and this year I’ve wondered like if God is asking too much of me, like was this really the right time to start the podcast God? Because I feel like I have so much other things going on that need my attention.

And recognizing that also I had a wrong idea of how much time it should take to put together an episode to get it recorded, edited, uploaded, and then do a few clips and social media posts. It’s taking me at least seven hours a week, and that is not something that I had anticipated. I know people that can do it in three or four hours a week, and so I was hoping mine would look more like that. So got to be careful with the comparison too, because I’m a different person.

one of the things that went along with that is the idea that if I was spending more than 30 minutes putting together an outline, then that was a problem, that there was something wrong with me. I should be able to whip this out faster. And I was talking to my podcast coach from Imagine Media Podcast Network, which they’re amazing, by the way. I love being a part of that group. My coach was telling me like, sometimes she spends

way over an hour on one of her outlines. And that really blew my mind. thought, okay, it was kind of like gave me permission that it’s okay. If I tend to be the type of personality that needs a lot of prep time, that’s okay. And finding the balance between taking too long and dragging it out and procrastinating versus making sure that I feel really comfortable with the content and the idea of the episode so that when I jump on here, I have clarity and confidence in how I’m moving forward.

It’s just silly how, again, this kind of goes back to the rules that we put out. I had put a rule on myself that I can’t spend more than 30 minutes putting together my outline for a show because that it’s excessive. And now realizing that if I give myself permission to go an hour to two hours, I feel much more confident and comfortable when I’m ready to record. So there are so many little ways that we can limit ourselves.

And so we’ve got to be watchful of that so that the whole lie around, don’t have enough time. Everybody on this earth gets 24 hours a day. Nobody gets anything different. That’s the way God set it up. And so we need to accept and learn how to work within the confines of that timeframe and not fight against it. used to have, when I was in another coaching group a couple of years ago, this was a huge challenge for me is when the

The ⁓ coach was talking to us about time being our friend and just the idea that when we’re resisting and when we’re fighting against or when we’re upset that it feels like there’s not enough hours in the day, we’re treating time as an enemy and time is not our enemy. Time is actually our friend. And so.

That was really quite a mind shift for me. So I’ve been really working on that the last couple of years, but it’s still a challenge. often wake up and I look at my to-do lists and I’m like, my word, how am I going to get all this done? And so I have to keep repeating to myself some days, time is not my enemy. Time is not my enemy. So ⁓ this area number five,

⁓ I know that you have felt overwhelmed with your schedule as well. We’re all busy moms wives. We’re just busy women That’s just our culture now and we’re giving our best. We’re doing our best. We’re taking care of our family We’ve got commitments. We’ve got work. We’ve got ministry demands. There’s so much So here’s your takeaway in the midst of your day when it feels like you don’t have enough time Remember when God asks us to do something he multiplies our little and so when we focus on

what it is that he’s calling us to do, he’s gonna make sure that we have the time to get it done, as long as we’re surrendering our schedule to him. So we may have to sacrifice some things. We may not be able to watch as much TV or get as much sleep as we wanted but we will always be rewarded for our faithfulness. So if God is asking us to show up, he just wants our yes. He just wants us to say, okay, Lord,

I surrender, I’ve got a willing heart, I’m gonna move forward. So remembering that it’s not about you making it all fit

It’s not about you trying to get the things done. That’s not your reward is getting things done. For me, performance has been a huge thing because I struggle with, I can’t feel good about myself unless I got all the things done. And I know that you have had a tendency to feel that way too.

remember, God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. And when we struggle with not having enough time, we’ve got to trust him that we can use our time wisely and we can get it all done. creating stress for ourselves, making ourselves miserable because we keep saying over and over, I don’t have enough time, we’re making life harder on ourselves. So that’s how you can overcome that one. Number six.

Criticism of others. This is, I really don’t like this ugliness that’s come out of me, but I have noticed that as I have been studying how other influencers show up, specifically Christian influencers, I’ve really struggled with criticism and judgment over how much they focus on themselves. My opinion is they should be more focused on their message and more focused on the Lord. And so,

I’ve had to really work on that because I myself have struggled with finding that balance of showing my face too much versus wanting wanting my message to be all about Jesus. And we know that in the scripture it talks about dying to self putting others first. The Bible tells us that we’re to love our neighbor and think of others above ourselves. So when you’re constantly looking at someone’s social media content and all you see is their face all over the place, it can feel really unbiblical.

And so I had to struggle with ⁓ how to not be judgmental of those people and let them work that out with the Lord. It’s not up to me how they choose to show up. It’s up to me how I conduct myself and how I find that balance. And if they’re going overboard by making it all about them, God is going to take care of that. It’s not my job. And so

It’s interesting to me that I’ve seen that rise up so much in my heart and that criticism of others. I just don’t like that That’s not who I want to be. That’s that’s not who I am So I’ve been challenging that in myself to let that go and not be so critical

I can choose not to follow them if I don’t like how I think they’re showing up and being a little bit self-centered. But on the other side, it’s just as much of a sin for me to judge and criticize them for not liking the way they’re doing it. And so we have to find that balance there. It can be a struggle, but.

Here I was thinking I was doing so much better at not being such a judgmental person and that is unfortunately some ugliness that has come out in me over the last nine months or so.

Here’s your takeaway for this. If you find yourself being critical of others, whether you’re in a new season or trying something new or just in general in life, here’s something to remember. there’s always going to be that tension between how much is too much focusing on self versus you have to be in the forefront a little bit if people are going to be

able to see Jesus because you’re the vessel that he uses. So we are called to be know, a city on a hill, a light to the world, we have to be seen to a certain extent is my point. And so I have to be really careful not to judge people who are in the spotlight and being seen because that may be where God wants them. And like I said, how they choose to handle that is between them and the Lord. So

Shining your light is not self promotion, it’s God promotion. And actually hiding it away doesn’t give God the glory. So you be careful that too, if you’re constantly hiding in the background, that’s not what God calls us to do. We have to be out ⁓ interacting with the people if we’re gonna make a difference for the kingdom. So that’s number six.

moving on to the last one, number seven, negative thinking. I cannot believe how much this has been hounding me and attacking me these last few months. It’s just showing up all over the place. Things like I’m never gonna get this figured out. There’s too much to learn. Nobody wants to listen to me. I don’t know what I’m doing on social media. And so everything looks stupid. I mean, there’s just so many things.

But constantly capturing negative thoughts can be so exhausting. I know you know what I mean. It can be really difficult, especially when that enemy is really coming after us and bombarding us. It can be very frustrating and tiring. So a couple things that I’ve been trying to do that help me is just write out a prayer for myself before I record my episodes and just read this out loud just to get my heart and my mind in the right place.

I’ve been writing out some different truths and affirmations. God’s been reminding me who I am and I just hold onto those and think, okay, instead of focusing on these negative thoughts I’m having, I’m going to focus on the truth of who God says that I am and how God wants me to handle the podcast and social media and different things. if you’re like me and you’re going through, well, I know you’re battling negative thoughts every day. That’s just normal.

So ⁓ if you’re struggling with anything, like I’ll never change, I’m always gonna have this issue, God can’t use me, and there’s so many ways negative thoughts show up, but especially around something new is ⁓ I’m never gonna get this figured out, I’m never gonna master it, I might as well quit, I might as well stop trying, those kinds of things. Remember that every time you capture that thought and make it obedient to Christ, as the scripture tells us, every time you do that and you replace it with the truth,

you are retraining your spirit and your brain to walk in freedom. And so while some days it can feel like a lot, we have to keep going. The Bible tells us also not to grow weary of doing good because we will eventually see a harvest if we don’t give up. And so if you’re struggling with something and it feels like you’re not getting anywhere and you’re just being bombarded by all this negativity,

Remember, we just have to keep going. We just have to keep showing up. We just have to keep giving God our yes and everything’s going to work out. So I’m actually glad these issues have come up, even though it has been very challenging. ⁓ But I like that they are being exposed, that I’m being forced to deal with them because ⁓ I don’t want that stuff hiding in my heart. I don’t like that ugliness. I want to be a better version of myself. That stuff hinders you and harms you and ruins your life. And I don’t want that in me. And so I

I have to remember there’s a lot of good that has come out of doing this podcast. I’ve developed more resilience and endurance, right? Because I didn’t quit. I faced some fears that I didn’t even know that I had. I just that reiteration that I can do hard things. I can show up when it’s difficult and challenging. I am capable. I am, I do have what it takes. And I’ve been developing connections and friendships through this. And that’s been really fun too. Just.

very enriching to meet some really wonderful men and women of God. And also the opportunity to practice my speaking skills, which is something that I’ve always wanted to do. So that’s pretty much it, those seven areas I’ve struggled with, and I know you can relate to some extent. So as we go about this week, let’s explore the depths of this final thought. What if the very thing that you’re dealing with right now that feels so hard and uncomfortable,

What if that is God’s way of preparing you for the next level of blessing and freedom? So here you go, try something new this week. Something without waiting for it to be perfect, without waiting for everything to go smoothly, just do it. Go get it done. Try that new thing. Be brave, be courageous and be real and raw about it. Okay? And then say yes to something that scares you. Say yes.

⁓ to something that you know you can’t do by yourself because that will force you to move forward and recognize your need for God’s strength and Teach you to practice depending on him because if he doesn’t show up, it’s not gonna work, right? So there is your challenge I hope you have a wonderful week as you try new things and I will see you next week.