S1E3: Gratitude and the First 5 Minutes

SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Hey there. Hi everybody. Thanks for joining me again here on into the depths podcast. And my name is Jennifer. If you haven’t met me and before we get started in the content today, I just wanted to really say thank you to everybody in the community who’s been following me and supporting me. I was listening to one of the episodes the other day with my husband and I started to feel that inner critic coming out just thinking about, my goodness, I wish I hadn’t said it like that or

oh wow, I repeated that word too many times and I’m not going to go into all the ways I was kind of condemning myself, but I was really struggling, I mean, for probably about 24 hours, I was really struggling with wishing that I could go back and fix a few things and come off a little bit more eloquent.

in the past I would have really focused on that and honed in on that and been really really condemning and critical. So thankfully that only took me about 24 hours to get over. So there’s progress, there’s hope, but you know old habits die hard right? So I only bring it up because I just wanted to show you how even when you’ve gone through a lot of

healing and freedom, you’re still going to fall into old habits. You’re going to be tempted to do things the wrong way. And so anyhow, next morning I usually start my day just sitting with my Bible and my journal, spend some time in prayer. And I was again thinking about how I wish I could go back and fix a few things in that episode. And God reminded me that he didn’t call me to be eloquent. He didn’t call me to be polished and perfect when I do the podcast.

He just called me to share my message. And so I had to kind of sit back for a minute and say, okay, I’m going to give myself a little bit of grace here and just understand that as long as I’m doing what I believe I’m called to do, that people will be able to overlook some of my growing pains or my, you know, as I’m on this journey and learning how to do a podcast and do it well. Um, if I think if other people can give me grace, then I can give myself grace. And what was really sweet is, um,

little while later I did get a couple text messages from some different people, two different people just saying hey how much they appreciated what I had shared on those other episodes and how it had impacted them and they really enjoyed it and I thought see okay here I was you know spending an entire day criticizing myself because it wasn’t as well done as I would have wanted and you know those people didn’t even care they didn’t even seem to notice so

I just wanted to say thank you. really appreciate the support. I really appreciate you liking, sharing, following, subscribing, rating. That means a lot to me. So anyhow, let me move into the content for podcast episode number three. So my question for today is what do you focus on as you’re going throughout your day? What consumes your mind?

And the reason I bring that up is because several years back when I was starting to have awareness around my own self-sabotage, one of the things that I noticed is that I think about myself a lot. It’s embarrassing to look back, but I noticed that, my thoughts were consumed with what was going on in my life, in my world. So for example, I would think about my schedule.

what’s on my to-do list for today? Did I get everything checked off the list that I wanted? I was so focused on performance orientation that if I didn’t complete everything on my list by the end of the day, I would feel bad about myself. And so I was constantly thinking about what have I gotten done and what do I still need to get done in order to feel like I am accomplished? I would focus on what I want such as

Like, did my family do life the way I wanted them to? I also tended to be a complainer. I was pretty bad about grumbling and, well, complaining. I would just be really critical when things didn’t go my way. And looking back, I see that I was super negative. It just…

Always wanted to make sure that when something didn’t go my way that I brought it up to whoever happened to be around me then another thing that I used to do is I would fixate on my problems I would just get so focused on what was going on and then I would get spun up You know if I couldn’t figure out how to fix it or I would Fixate on my mistakes and then berate myself for not doing things better. I would fixate on how

people mistreated me, how I thought that I didn’t deserve this certain type of treatment or this certain way this person spoke to me or however that came about. Or for example, when you go to church on Sunday, what if somebody ignores you and then I would fixate on how I didn’t deserve that or I can’t believe that person treated me that way. And it so silly looking back that my mind was so consumed with what was going on in my world, in my life.

Another example would be comparison. I used to be really bad. I was stuck in the comparison trap a lot. And I would look at some other person and say, man, I wish I could shop at Nordstrom. I would think of that person on stage, like in the worship team, well, they seem so much better than me. Or they’re so much more talented than me. Or I would look at.

another marriage and say my husband doesn’t buy me flowers as often as that husband does so he must not be such a good husband, woe is me, you know some self-pity there. It was just man looking back just realizing how I was making life harder on myself because I was just so consumed with all these things I couldn’t control and it’s not like I didn’t think about other people I’m just saying that my main focus was me, my world, what was going on in my

in my space at that, at each moment. so living like that really keeps us stuck in this dark place where we get into those cycles of negativity, shame, anxiety, depression, self-pity. And it’s just, it’s not a fun life, right? And so I want to share with you a huge tool that I learned that helped me move forward. So if you want to thrive, if you want to have a better life, here’s where you start, okay? This really simple, easy,

Tip, a thankful heart. Choose to practice gratitude. So let’s break that down a little bit. If you want to see a change, then you gotta change what you’re inputting into your life.

And you know, in November, it’s always super easy to be thankful, right? Because it’s all around us. There’s reminders everywhere. having a thankful heart is something that you do more than once a year. It’s got to be a lifestyle. And so that’s what I want to talk about today. How does that become a lifestyle for us? And it’s really something that it’s a habit to develop daily. And so why daily? Why does it have to be that often? Well, science shows a whole bunch of benefits around

The idea of having a thankful heart and being grateful and there’s short-term benefits There’s long-term benefits, but there is science behind it So when you get a chance go, you know You can go look it up and how it affects the brain and your thoughts and your emotions and all of that but

In general, if you have a thankful heart, you’re going to be in a better mood more often. You’re going to have a higher sense of happiness, contentment, peace, and who wouldn’t want more of that, right? So you are also going to experience fewer negative emotions, less anger, less self-pity. You’ll be less tempted to stay in a place of depression and anxiety.

And another benefit would be lower stress. You’re going to be able to cope better with the challenges that come up in your life. And your problems are not going to bother you quite as often if you tend to focus on what you’re grateful for and appreciate the little things in life. So let me share a little bit of my journey and what that looked like for me. It started one November. A bunch of women in my church group were talking about Thanksgiving, of course, November.

and how we were going to challenge each other to write out a list of things that we’re grateful for, but we were just gonna add one thing to the list every day. And when I first started doing that, I wasn’t super impressed.

I would sit down in the mornings, I’d grab my list. It was like a shopping list kind of piece of paper and I grabbed my pen and I would write down one thing and I’d be like, well, that was really underwhelming. I would write things like, I’m thankful for this cup of coffee or I’m thankful that I could drink this, one of my favorite types of tea or I’m thankful that I’m a mom. So they were all important things. They were all good things, but.

I wasn’t really into it at first. It took me a few days to really connect what I was writing with my heart. And I’m not sure why. I don’t know if it’s just because I hadn’t really done it before or not. But in any case, the more I started getting on a roll, was, I mean, it took a few days, but then it was like, I really had a hard time stopping at one thing. I wanted to just keep going with my list. And so I would write more than one thing each day. And I was pretty impressed that by the time we got to the end of that 30 days,

I had way more than 30 items on my list and I didn’t realize it was possible to be thankful for so many things. And that really taught me a lot. I just didn’t want to stop there. I didn’t want to only focus on gratitude during the month of November. And really there are several places in the Bible that talks about giving thanks. And I wanted to do it more often. I just wasn’t really sure like

what that was supposed to look like. And so I didn’t really instill it as a habit at that point. It was just the beginning step for me to realize why it was important to write out a list of things I’m grateful for. So it was a little bit later down the road when I began to get more involved in some different circles, the different communities, and I began to hear about the practice of gratitude and people were talking about it more. And what I realized is that

happy, successful people tend to be people who appreciate the little things in life. And I, so I just kind of would ponder that a little bit and ask myself, well, I think I’m a grateful person. I think I’m a thankful person. But what I noticed is that the more I would focus on the things I’m thankful for, I would get into a better mood and I would not be quite as bothered by my problems. Like some of those things that I already mentioned that are benefits. And so I realized,

this stuff really works because I experienced it personally. And I heard about the idea of actually making this a regular habit, whether like in your morning routine or your evening routine. And so I decided I was going to give it a shot to like officially make this a habit, a part of my daily routine. And so I tried a few different things, but what works for me is I like to journal. So usually in the morning I’m

I’m writing something in my journal. And so I try to mention one or two things that I’m grateful for. But then when I go to bed at night, part of my evening routine is I have a specific journal where I write down at least one thing that happened that day that I’m grateful for, and I write down at least one win or one thing that I accomplished. So it’s a way of celebrating. So.

Usually I’ve got two or three things. Here’s what I’m grateful for from today and here are the wins from today. It’s usually two or three things depending on how busy I was. So that’s a process that works for me. I just wanted to give you an idea of what it could look like. Just obviously you’re gonna, as you work towards this, you’ll figure out what works for you. So, but in the process of going through this, I made a discovery.

The quality of our thoughts and the quality of our emotions will directly impact the quality of our life. So I’m gonna say that again. The quality of our thoughts and the quality of our emotions will directly impact the quality of our life, which is one of the reasons that practicing gratitude is so helpful in us becoming, getting to a place where we have a better life and we’re enjoying our life more. We will have.

Less negativity less anger. We won’t complain as much We will if we if we choose to live that way with negative thoughts angry thoughts complaining all the time if we’re focused on that then we’re gonna tend to be more of a grouch we’re not gonna enjoy our life as much and guess what people are not gonna enjoy being around us either but if we’re positive and grateful we’re gonna see more happiness in our life we’re gonna see more contentment appreciation peace

And what’s odd is I do know a few people that kind of like being in a bad mood. It’s odd, I know, but I have seen that before. They actually enjoy kind of being down and blue and that is not me at all. I don’t like that. It leads me to other things that make life not enjoyable. So I prefer to be in a good mood and one of the ways that I can do that is by choosing to think about what I’m thankful for. so.

I’ve noticed that when I tend to get into a slump or when I tend to notice that I’m in a bad mood a lot more often, that I’ve gotten a little bit lazy and complacent with not writing into my list of the things that I’m grateful for. So I tend to focus more on myself when I get away from that practice. So along with that, I just want to share another sort of different way of looking at it. So several years ago, when my kids were in elementary school, I used to write for a blog called

moms of faith. And there was a point in my life where I realized that I didn’t like that my kids were kind of waking up grouchy. And I don’t remember where I heard this idea. I mean, this was several years ago, but it was along the lines of as the mom, I get to set the tone in the house

what if I choose to start that the moment they wake up?

I’m usually the first one up in my house. It’s always been that way. So when it came time for school, I would go wake up my children. So what if the way I woke them up affected their mood? What if I could start their day by talking in a kind voice with compassion and love in my tone? What if I spoke words of encouragement and I always wore a smile on my face?

then how would that affect the way that they got out of bed and faced the day? And so I began to practice this different approach, as I would call it. And so when my kids would get out of bed, I noticed that our morning would go smoother, that they were happier, they were more cooperative, and we had less negativity, less grouchiness. We got through our morning and it was actually really pleasant. And I realized that

how I set the tone for the day made a huge difference in the atmosphere of my household, but it also helped my kids have a better day. Well, it helped me have a better day too, but I was focused on them at that point. And so what I want to challenge everyone with is the idea that the first five minutes of anything, whether it’s your day, whether it’s a conversation, whether it’s when you step into the office,

The first five minutes can really set the tone for everyone’s mood. And we have a certain amount of influence over our atmosphere, right? So the what was happening was as I woke up my kids with in a positive manner, it made the rest of the morning go in a more smooth, positive way for all of us.

So then I started taking the concept of the first five minutes. At that point, I just was focused on my children and getting a smooth morning in place. And so when I wrote about my experience on that blog, Moms of Faith, I was focused on just how to help your family. But then I started taking that concept a little bit further and I started asking myself, how do I talk to myself when I first wake up in the mornings? Am I focused on?

How I don’t want to get out of bed? Am I focused on how tired I am and that I don’t want to go to work and I don’t want to go out and exercise? Am I worried about my problems? Am I consumed with something that’s coming up that day that seems unpleasant that I don’t feel like doing? Or am I choosing to wake up with a thankful heart? Am I choosing to wake up and say, well, those things that I’m worried about, that thing that I don’t really want to do doesn’t matter.

I want to enjoy my day. want to make the most out of it or you know, however you want to approach that. So I noticed that just that little shift in the first five minutes of my day could make a huge difference in my quality of life and the quality of life for my family and the atmosphere in my home. Another way to apply that is when you walk into your workplace, I or even

driving down the road when you want to get angry at other drivers who are not maybe being their best selves and cut you off or whatnot. You know, it’s really easy to walk into your job with a scowl on your face and just consumed with negativity and your problems and whatever’s bothering you that day. But what if we chose to walk into the workplace? And I’m not saying have a fake happiness about you, but I’m just saying, what if you chose to smile?

Just start with a smile. Or what if you walked by somebody and said, hey, thank you for your help yesterday when this project came up? Or you just said something nice to somebody on your way to your desk. That can go a long way to setting the tone and making a positive environment around you. What about when you get home from work? I know I heard this really interesting story from this guy.

Way back when I was in college, he was in the finance office. And I remember him saying one day that sometimes his job is really, really stressful. And so he only has a 10 minute drive home from work. And he uses that time to sort of decompress because he wants to make sure that when he walks into his house, that he is giving his best self to his family. And that always stuck with me. And so when I came up with the, or when I heard about the concept of, excuse me, the first five minutes,

I immediately thought of his story and how that was important to me that I show up as my best self, whether I’m waking up my children or just, you know, coming home from an event or, or whatever it is. I want to make sure that I show up as my best self, which means I can’t be consumed with myself and I can’t be super focused, hyper-focused on only my small little world. I need to choose gratitude and choose to have a positive attitude when I’m

when I walk in. Or another idea would be when if you are the one at home and somebody comes home like from school or comes home from work, you can let their bad mood affect you or you can encourage them with gratitude and positive words to not create a negative atmosphere in the home. anyhow, I wanted to throw that out because

I have seen how powerful that has been in my own household, in my own family. And I was just thinking the other day how I’d gotten away from that and how sometimes when my husband comes home, I can be a little demanding or a little grouchy or a little rushed. And I don’t want to be that way. I want to be happy that he’s home and I want to enjoy his presence. And so I have been paying a little bit more attention to that lately. So anyhow, so really ultimately, know,

The point of what I wanted to share today is if we want a better quality of life, if we want a life full of beauty, meaning, purpose, success, happiness, this is a great place to start. Choose to be thankful. Go after a thankful heart, practice gratitude, make a list every single day and however that fits into your routine. It could be morning, it could be your lunch break, it could be right before you go to bed. It doesn’t really matter.

What matters is that you’re doing it regularly. And the first few times you do it, you may not notice a change, but as you develop the habit and do it more often, you’re going to start noticing that you feel different and that environment around you is going to feel different too.

And then it’s not just about that daily habit, but it’s about catching yourself. When you are tempted to complain about something, choose to say something you’re thankful for. When you’re tempted to vent, and venting is actually not really good for us, and that’s a topic that I want to jump into later. It keeps us stirred up instead of letting go. so yeah, we can talk about that another time, but instead of venting, what if we choose to say something that we’re thankful for?

When we start to ruminate on our mistakes or our weaknesses or our problems or how we may have been mistreated, what if we set that aside and said, no, I want to think of things that I’m grateful for. I want to appreciate the little things in life and the good things that I already have in my life. When we notice that we’re comparing ourselves or we’re falling into some self-pity.

over something that didn’t maybe go the way we want it. What if we choose instead of going that old way, that old habits, shifting into an attitude of gratitude? That’s kind of cliche, I guess, attitude of gratitude. anyway, so as we go about this week, I invite you to explore the depths of this final thought. These are our reflection questions for you to take with you. How can I shift my focus off of myself?

to develop a thankful heart. Where can I be more grateful more often in different areas of my life? How can I implement a habit daily to intentionally focus on what I’m thankful for? What would it look like if the first five minutes of every interaction started from a place of gratitude? And I would add an accountability challenge onto that. Track your mood, track how often

you are in a positive mindset after you’ve spent some regular time and gratitude and notice the overall quality of life. And I guarantee you’ll see some changes and you will want more of that. So that’s it for now. Thanks for joining me. Again, if you wouldn’t mind, please, I’d appreciate it if you would like rate, follow, share, and subscribe to the podcast. And thanks for joining me today. And I will talk to you later on episode four.