S1E8: How To Recognize Lies, Labels & Limitations That Hold You Back

SHOW TRANSCRIPT:

Jennifer Cudmore (01:02)
Hey, welcome back everybody to Into the Depths podcast. I’m Jennifer, the host. Welcome. Today we are going to talk a little bit more in depth about lies, labels, and limitations. And I know I’ve brought this up several times, so I’m excited to begin to dive into some definitions and some real specific ideas so that you can begin to look for these and recognize them in your own life.

Our question to start off today is, where are the lies, labels, and limitations hiding within me? Where am I living under false assumptions and wrong beliefs? So that’s what we’re gonna tackle. So I’m gonna break down these three categories And then I’m gonna share some areas where I struggled with specific lives, labels, and limitations to begin to help you understand.

and thinking about what that can look like in your own life. let’s start with lies. So a good definition of lies is gonna be these are ideas or beliefs that we think are true that are actually false. So they seem real, they feel true, but in reality they’re not. So there may be just a little measure of some kind of truth in them, but ultimately that entire thing altogether is wrong.

and can cause us harm. So let me share some examples. Hopefully you can relate to these. The first one being I lived for so long with the wrong belief that it was my husband’s job to validate me. That when we got married that I would get my self-worth from him. That when he needed to give me attention, he needed to give me compliments. Otherwise I couldn’t feel good about who I was. And so

Obviously that is not correct, that is a lie. Our spouses are not required to make us feel good about ourself. And that was the approach that I was taking. So our worth doesn’t come from humans, it comes from God. He created us and so he gets to define and validate us, who we are and who we’re meant to be. Now I do believe there’s a certain amount of

what’s the right word, when you are married, good healthy marriages will have a little bit of that give and take with spouses where we do compliment each other and we do give the right amount of attention that can give some validation. But ultimately our self worth can only come from who God made us to be and not what another human being says about us. And so what I found is that the more I would go to God to get my needs met to feel

to fill that love tank, to fill that void in me that really needed someone to see me and hear me and know me. The more that I got that from God, the less I was needy to get that from my husband. I recognized that that lie, that requirement of my husband had to validate me, really made me needy for his attention and his compliments, and that was very unattractive. So thankfully, I worked through that lie, and that is not an issue.

anymore. So another example, last year my daughter got married and I bring this up because I was really dreading going shopping over, well for me going shopping because I needed to get a dress as mother of the bride

What I recognized is that there was a lie that I will never find a nice dress that I’m gonna like, that I’m gonna feel great wearing. And that was also tied in with the fact that I had gained some weight over the past five years. so in some prayer time, God showed me that actually the problem was that I was shopping wrong. I didn’t have…

have the right attitude when I was going to the store. And so when I did go shopping for that dress, I prayed a lot that God would help me to have the right attitude and that he would highlight what would be the right dress for my shape and size. And so the truth is that I can feel confident. I can find something that fits my shape, my size in this season of life and still look great, feel great. And I, and that’s what happened. I, we went to the mall, we did some shopping.

In fact, my husband and I were there together with our daughter doing some shopping. We got his suit and then I found a really pretty charcoal colored dress with some sparkles on it. I love sparkles. And I was really shocked that I felt great and I actually believed that I looked great. But the problem was when I was going to the store in the past,

I would have this attitude of, I’m never gonna find anything that’s gonna work. So guess what? I never did. So when I changed that perspective to confidence, yeah, I can. There’s lots of people my shape and size that buy clothes that fit and look great. So that was one that I struggled with just recently. That was just last year. And then here’s another one that used to drive me crazy.

think a lot of women struggle with this. I would send a text to a friend or an acquaintance and they don’t respond or they don’t respond in a timely manner that I have set. And so that used to really bug me and I would have two different reactions. The lie would be either, my goodness, I must have done something wrong. This person’s mad at me and that must be why they’re not responding. Or I would have an opposite reaction. I would say,

What a rude person. can’t believe that she’s treating me this way. I can’t believe that she would be so rude as to not respond to the text and answer my question or whatever that I was wanting. And so those are lies that, I mean, it is crazy how many stories we make up in our head about situations. Our perspective gets so skewed because we’re assigning meaning to something. We’re…

Yeah, we’re making up a story and misinterpreting based on not even having all the facts. Because the truth is, I have no idea what is going on in my friend’s life. I have no idea what’s going on inside her head. And so by me assigning a story to that and saying, this must be why she’s not responding, I’m making it about me. And I really need to just be patient, wait, give her grace and say, you know what, things happen.

there’s probably a valid reason that she hasn’t responded to my text message, I’m going to choose to believe the best. So instead of making up this lie in my head, I’m going to believe the best about her. So those are some examples of some lies that I have struggled with in the past and still occasionally do. So next, let’s cover labels. So what would be a definition of a label? That is either a word or phrase that I use to define myself. It’s

something that I take ownership of, I claim it as true as to who I am. So this usually is gonna come in the form of an I am statement, something like I’m stupid or I’m overweight. And just to be clear, not all labels are bad because you can say things like I’m a punctual person or I’m a mom or a wife and those things are obviously true and there’s nothing bad about those. But what happens is,

when we assign labels to ourselves that are incorrect, then it becomes who we are. And so we need to be really careful in this area. So for example, one of the things that I recognized that I used to do really, I did this all the time in my teens and twenties, even every once in a now I still struggle with this idea that I am not memorable. And this is almost a little bit embarrassing to share, but I’m being real here.

I wanted to use real legit vulnerable examples because some of these things, lives, labels, and limitations are not logical. And so we need to be careful that we’re not trying to assign logic there because it doesn’t work. Most of these are based in fear or misinterpretation. So just keep that in mind. But this one, I really thought I was insignificant.

That’s a little bit embarrassing to say out loud, but I recognize that now that came from a place of not feeling good about myself, not having good self-worth, especially at that time in my life where I was doing this all the time. But so the truth of it is actually I am memorable. There are a lot of people who remember my name, remember my face, but I also had to kind of pull back and examine.

there were times where I wasn’t memorable because of how I showed up or I should say how I didn’t show up. If I if I’m not engaging in conversation or if I’m not if I don’t have confidence I’m gonna make myself less memorable but the truth is I’m not labeled by that. I don’t have to own that and say well I’m never gonna be memorable to people. So that was a huge one for me. Another one

has come up within the last few years I’ve noticed is that I’ve become a little bit more vocal about my testimony and the things, the way that God has healed me and the things that he has taught me and how I’ve grown and gained freedom. I am being a lot more bold about sharing those stories because I’m so passionate about helping other people find freedom. But what I have found is that sometimes,

It can be a little too much for people. And so I began to develop this label on myself that I’m intimidating. And I even had somebody say that to me once, or actually a couple people say, you’re intimidating. And so I began to take ownership of that label and I began to start, I started getting quiet. I wouldn’t share as much or I’d be really afraid to share things or I would kind of water down the stories because I thought, well, I don’t want people to not like me.

because I’m coming on too strong or I’m being a bit too intense. And I had to work through that label as well. Like, okay, maybe at times I can come across as a bit intimidating or intense, but most people can handle it. And all I need to do is just recognize that discernment is really important and I need to learn how to read the room better. And there may be somebody who…

really needs to hear my story and my testimony and what I have to say about my freedom journey. And so by me being quiet, by assuming that I’m intimidating and I’m too intense, it’s not be good for those people because they might need to hear my story to get their own freedom. So I still occasionally struggle with that, not knowing how much to share, because I don’t want to push people away, but at the same time.

It’s only happened a couple times. And so most of the time people really love to hear what I have to say and they feel really encouraged and inspired that if I got freedom from a certain thing, so can they. And so I’ve learned to push past that fear and ignore that label because that is not who I am, right? I’m not intimidating. Another one is that I used to say that I’m not athletic.

And this one doesn’t seem like it’s detrimental, by uncovering this, what it did was it showed me some other things that were going on inside my heart that were not right. So I’m gonna explain it this way. I used to say I’m not athletic, I don’t like to exercise, and so that became true. But then somebody brought up the fact that, when I was in high school, I was actually considered athletic. I was on the track team.

the school mascot for I think three seasons. I got to wear the fuzzy cougar outfit and do silly things and make people laugh. And so I, and that’s part of the cheerleading team. And so I did have to do some cheers and some things. And so that did require a certain amount of athleticism. And so I thought, when did I decide that I’m not athletic? And,

what that did was it made me dig a little deeper. Like how am I defining the word athletic and what am I actually capable of? Like maybe I can be more athletic than I realize or that, you know, where am I putting limits on myself as to what I’m capable of is in the area of athleticism. And so what I learned is that I began to make myself practice doing, not practice, but I began to make myself do some different exercises and

Try to do some athletic things and I recognize well, yeah, you know, maybe I don’t really care to go to the gym I don’t like that so much, but there’s other things I do like I love to get outside and go for a walk and so Does that mean that I’m not athletic if I know if I only take a walk? I mean not necessarily and so it really challenged me to think about how I define certain things because sometimes my definitions are wrong or They’re incomplete

So in this case, my definition of what it means to be athletic was incomplete. I was limiting myself. And you’ll find that sometimes the lies, labels, and limitations are going to overlap a little bit. Don’t get hung up on the categories. That doesn’t matter. I just have them broken out in categories because it helps people to better identify what’s going on inside them. You don’t have to use them exactly this way. So.

Let’s move on to the third topic, is limitations. So limitation is simply a decision as to what is possible, what is attainable, what am I capable of? And a lot of times this shows up in the phrases of I can’t, or I’m never going to be able to blank. So look for those phrases when you’re trying to find this, because that tends to be how you can figure out.

there’s a limitation. So let me share some examples in my own life.

So the one that I still struggle with really bad and I’ve been working on this a lot but it’s the concept of never having enough time. And when you tell yourself this all the time it certainly feels like you’re just never going to have enough time. And so I have really tried hard over the last few years to stop saying that phrase. I try not to ever let myself say it because the more I speak it the more it becomes true in my life. So specifically

There was a last year I was struggling with the limitation that I don’t have enough time to work a full-time day job and also write a book. I felt the Lord had been calling me to write a book about my encounters with him and how I had grown in my relationship with him over the past few years and I thought well there’s no way I can write a book. I’m working full-time and I’m serving at church and that’s just kind of crazy. But then I realized

there’s a lot of people out there that work a full full 40-hour work week and have other commitments and they still manage to write multiple books so why can’t I do that if they can do it why can’t I do it and so I really had to push past that limitation one of the things I learned from my when I was doing some business coaching is that time is not my enemy time is actually my friend and that was a mind-blowing concept for me because I realized

All my life I had spent, because I felt like I never had enough time, all of my life I felt like I was always behind, but then I recognized that wasn’t true. I was doing that to myself. I was putting those expectations on myself by not meeting the time requirements that I had set for myself. So the truth is, I have the same 24 hours a day that everybody else does. And I can choose to look at that as

Plenty or I can choose to look at that as not enough, but it’s never gonna change. I’m only gonna have 24 hours a day period so I can make friends with that and learn to accept it and be okay with it or I continue to resist complain feel bad Get frustrated That’s gonna get me nowhere. In fact, that’s gonna make me feel bad and it’s going to make me feel pressured but what if I were to look at it as if time is my friend and

am capable, I am able to accomplish what I need to accomplish within the allotted time that is available to me. And so that has been a huge mind shift for me. I’ve been really working hard on it, because it’s important to me to not self-sabotage like we’ve been talking about. that’s been a huge, huge hurdle of trying to get over that limitation.

Alright, so another one is, and this is another one I’ve been really struggling with lately. I remember when I first became a manager, and I know I bring this up a lot, but I learned so much through this process of becoming a manager at the medical clinic. But I went in that with such dread, and I just kept telling myself, this is gonna be so hard, I have so much to learn.

don’t know how I’m going to get all this done. I don’t know how to lead people. don’t know. I mean, all sorts of limitations. But the one I’m going to focus on here is the limitation of this is going to be really hard. This is going to take so much time and energy. I’m going to be exhausted. And so I felt the Lord kind of nudging me a few times actually through this process of, know, it might not be as hard as you’re trying to tell yourself it is. And what I

realized later is that the words hard or difficult, I mean those actually are relative. And so for me to assign that meaning to the situation was making it worse. Maybe there were some things that were hard, some things that were difficult, but to just blanket say this entire thing is going to be hard and difficult was creating a situation that was hard and difficult. And so it really

our outlook, our perspective can be huge. I was making it harder, making it more difficult because I kept telling myself that it was. And so I remember several weeks ago, or it might’ve been a couple months now, when the Lord, you know, was trying to get started with the podcast and I was really overwhelmed trying to learn all the different things. And I realized that I kept…

telling people, this is hard. This is such a challenge. I’m overwhelmed. And I felt God challenged me in those, like, well, what if starting a podcast is actually easy? And I felt like he said that if I assumed it was easy instead of assuming it’s gonna be super difficult and I’m gonna be overwhelmed, maybe that would make the process a little bit easier for me.

And so I began to kind of bite my lip, try not to say anymore, this is overwhelming, this is hard, this is difficult, and instead say, okay, actually, I can recognize areas of this process that have been fairly smooth, that have been fairly easy, and not all of it by any means. But to blanket, make that statement that starting a podcast is gonna be really hard, really challenging, really overwhelming.

making that happen. And so if I were to choose to have the perspective, I were to choose to speak, this is going to be easy, that makes it a little easier. And so that’s what I’ve been doing the last few weeks. I keep trying to tell myself, no, learning all these new things doesn’t have to be a challenge. What if it’s easy? And that has helped me a lot to not feel so pressured and not feel so overwhelmed. And I have found that there are actually a lot of steps.

that are easy. So just be careful how we assign limits to certain situations or circumstances or certain tasks that we are taking on. Having that attitude of this is going to be hard or difficult just creates more problems for ourselves. So that is self-sabotage.

Let me share one more story that’s kind of along the same lines. This limitation, I guess I could have started with this one, but when I first began working full time as a manager, I kept telling myself, my gosh, I don’t know how I’m gonna do this. I kept saying, I just don’t see how it’s possible to work full time hours, learn how to be a manager, and also still be a good wife and mom at home. And,

I was also in a couple circles where there was pressure to stay home with the children. And so I have always tended to have that personality where I’m a bit more driven, a bit more like a type A. And so I need to be doing something, producing something. And that is more my personality. So I never had felt the calling to just always be a stay at home mom. I know there are some women that are called to that.

But for me, I needed to have something more tangible, and that took form of a job. But I had been working part time for so many years, and over a decade.

because I wanted more time at home with the kids, then by the time that they were getting into high school and they didn’t need quite as much of my attention and my husband’s job changed and so he was able to be home a little bit more. And so what I recognize is that actually it is possible to work a full-time job and still be a good wife and mom. things had to change, like our home life looked a little different. My husband stepped up in ways that

I had never even fathomed before. I mean, we discovered how much he loved to cook and he took over all the cooking duties. And to this day, he still does a lot of the cooking because it brings him joy. And he likes serving the family in that way. And so even though I did enjoy cooking, I realized I needed to let that go so that I could be more present in other areas. And so I had to debunk that limitation that it is not possible.

to work full time hours and still be a good wife and mom. And we learned how to balance that and we learned how to do it well. I mean, I was checking in with my kids a lot and just making sure that their needs were being met and that we were providing them the opportunities that they needed. And I was actually pretty amazed at the partnership that my husband and I was able to come up with over how to split household things and who was gonna do what, take on different certain duties and such. So that actually became a place of joy for me.

because the shift in our family actually brought a lot of good things into our lives, whereas I was assuming there was only going to be bad in the home. And so another limitation that I worked through and I ended up realizing that if I had a different perspective, it would all be just fine. So let me kind of wrap up a little bit and give you some other things to think about. Like I said, don’t get hung up on the category.

whether something’s a lie label or limitation doesn’t really matter. I just have these three areas as a tool to help you discover what’s going on inside of you. Sometimes they’re gonna overlap. If you can’t figure it out, just call it a lie and move on. So what you call it doesn’t matter. What matters is recognizing what’s going on, examining what’s happening inside of you and the things that you’re telling yourself. So what makes a lie label or limitation feel real?

what makes it seem true. I think there’s a couple different things to consider and you’ll have to examine this a little bit as you’re beginning to identify these in your own life. But many times, like I said, there’s a little bit of an element of truth wrapped up in the falseness. And so we get hung up on the whole thing and it’s hard for us sometimes to separate the truth from the falsehood. And so that just takes a little bit of practice. know especially for me in the beginning, I was like,

well, isn’t this true? Like it sure feels true. It sure seems true. I have all this evidence that makes it look true. So it can sometimes be really difficult to separate. Like I said, what is actually truth here and where am I assigning a false meaning to it? So give yourself some grace as you’re learning how to do that. It can take a little bit of time and effort. Another thing to consider is that we, our brains can

misinterpret things for us and we touched on that a little bit before about some brain science because our brains job is to make sense of the world for us and protect us right so sometimes our brain misinterprets things that happen

And so we need to become aware of our perspective of our tendency to look at things a certain way, our biases and our past experiences that create those blind spots as we talked about before. just be becoming more aware about, well maybe I’m…

misinterpreting something that’s going on here and that’s not really what’s happening. As I was explaining before, sometimes it feels like there’s evidence like when I was feeling like I was an intimidating person, there were a couple people that were intimidated by me, by me sharing and so that to me felt like evidence that it was true, but it was skewed, right? So there was only two or three people that felt that way when there was

so many more that enjoyed it and got a lot out of it and were able to find healing through what I had to share. So that’s an example of there. can feel like there’s a little bit of evidence, but if we’re actually looking closer, we’re going to see that there’s actually more evidence on the other side of it. There’s more evidence on the side of truth of what’s really going on versus our misunderstanding and our misperception. and then another thing that sometimes is

be helpful and as we learn to look into this is where do we tend to use the words always or never because that should immediately highlight that there’s something wrong going on. A lot of times the situation or the circumstance only happened a couple of times and then suddenly we’ve taken that and decided this whole

thought process over our life and we’ve created a mindset out of it when really it only happened a couple times. And so if we begin to look for the evidence of the truth, we’re going to find that it’s just that we didn’t realize we had overlooked it. So those are some things to think about as you begin to evaluate your own thought patterns. next month, my goal is to delve deeper into some additional lies, labels, and limitations and begin to debunk those.

I’ve got a huge list of some common ones that people struggle with and so that will help you to be able to identify some things in your own life. And I’m also going to create a resource that’s got those definitions for you and make that available on the website. I don’t have that done yet but give me a couple weeks and I should have that up and I’ll let you know. But then you can use that to help you begin to sort through some things and begin to identify some of these in yourself.

I’m gonna talk about how to overcome them. It’s not just a simple matter of recognizing the truth. That is the main step that there’s other things that may be involved. Because sometimes there’s roots to that and you can’t just suddenly switch the way you think. So sometimes we have to delve into some roots that may be going on inside the heart as to why we have these false assumptions, these false beliefs. so…

It’ll be a matter of being intentional of looking at things in a different way. But then also, the more we develop these habits of paying attention to what’s going on inside us, we’re going to be able to catch these lies, limitations, and labels a lot sooner. And we’re going to be able to brush them off faster and be able to work through it and then get rid of them so that they’re not sabotaging us.

So as we go about this week, here’s our reflection. Let’s explore the depths of this final thought. Where are you living under wrong assumptions? What false narratives have you been telling yourself? And how can you begin to identify the lies, labels, and limitations that are sabotaging your progress, sabotaging your success, sabotaging your

So thanks for hanging out with me today. Join us next week. We’re going to have an interview from a guest, a friend of mine. So I hope you’ll come back and join me again Tuesday morning. Thanks everybody. Have a great day.